Lindsay Lohan Switches Back into her Body After Being Trapped in that of her Childhood Doll for Ten Years
Lindsay Lohan’s eyes fluttered open yesterday morning. Upon gaining consciousness of wakefulness, the twenty five year old actress immediately was screaming in terror. Her boyfriend (who sleeps in a cot in the closet) rushed into her bedroom to check on her. She shrank away from his comforting arms and shook her head in panicked confusion, knocking pictures off the wall as she shook her ten pounds of yellow hair.
“How did I get here?” She gasped before fainting.
Experts and scientists deduced that after ten years of being trapped inside her childhood doll’s, the body swap must have run its course and the real Lindsay had returned to her body.
“It’s like nothing we’ve seen before,” said Dr. Willard, body swap scientist who was in fact inspired to take up the career by Lohan’s performance on Freaky Friday. “Usually when someone swaps bodies, to switch back they have to learn an important lesson about empathy or love, or get almost killed to death by lightning. In this case, it seems that the universe simply gave up and returned Lohan to her original body.”
Clutching her newfound woman breasts, Lohan recounted, “It was so weird. I was just a living in my parents house, and pursuing my childhoold dream of acting. And then one day I wake up and I’m sitting on a shelf where I put my doll Cassandra, watching everything through her glass marble eyes.”
Scientists deduce that while Lohan was trapped in a porcelain body, the doll was in her own fifteen year old flesh, walking around, going to auditions, enjoying parties, and tanning the freckles away. The doll in Lohan’s body moved out of her parent’s home, leaving its old vessel behind. Lohan’s parents left her room the way it was, but didn’t venture in often, so she was stuck staring into space, trapped in the doll’s body, and screaming silently in her head for almost half her life.
Now that she is back in her original body, no one knows what lies in store for the once adorable star of the Parent Trap, but one thing’s for sure, she’s going to destroy that fricking doll with a hammer.
Originally Written for HAHAJK